So, I sent this email to my husband yesterday:
I'm so fucking pissed off. There is absolutely no reason why I should have to be on hormones. My body works perfectly and I'm totally screwing it up with all this stupid shit.
I have horrible cramps--I never get cramps. My period is barely coming. I'm in a horrible mood.
fuck this shit.
stupid ass annoying money sucking asshole stupid fucking babies aren't worth it. fuck our future babies. they can suck it because I AM NOT DOING THIS STUPID SHIT.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
I HATE EVERYONE.
I have horrible cramps--I never get cramps. My period is barely coming. I'm in a horrible mood.
fuck this shit.
stupid ass annoying money sucking asshole stupid fucking babies aren't worth it. fuck our future babies. they can suck it because I AM NOT DOING THIS STUPID SHIT.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
I HATE EVERYONE.
Husband called home immediately and listened to me cry. And then told me that we didn't have to do anything. He was so great. I called my doctor and told her that I didn't want to do the clomid. But this fertility thing is such a roller coaster. I hate that this is so medical. I hate that I'm on clomid. I talked to my Dr. yesterday to understand why I'm on clomid. She said that trying to get pregnant for over a year, and being that I'm 36 means that my egg quality is quickly declining. I just hate putting shit into my body. So I started clomid last night and could barely sleep. It was annoying. It was weird though, they said on day 2 of a full period, but then, my period hasn't been full until this morning. But my doctor said to go ahead and do it yesterday. So, here I am.