Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Today I feel a bit better

So, I sent this email to my husband yesterday:

I'm so fucking pissed off. There is absolutely no reason why I should have to be on hormones. My body works perfectly and I'm totally screwing it up with all this stupid shit.

I have horrible cramps--I never get cramps. My period is barely coming. I'm in a horrible mood.

fuck this shit.

stupid ass annoying money sucking asshole stupid fucking babies aren't worth it. fuck our future babies. they can suck it because I AM NOT DOING THIS STUPID SHIT.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

I HATE EVERYONE.

Um.... yeah....
Husband called home immediately and listened to me cry. And then told me that we didn't have to do anything. He was so great. I called my doctor and told her that I didn't want to do the clomid. But this fertility thing is such a roller coaster. I hate that this is so medical. I hate that I'm on clomid. I talked to my Dr. yesterday to understand why I'm on clomid. She said that trying to get pregnant for over a year, and being that I'm 36 means that my egg quality is quickly declining. I just hate putting shit into my body. So I started clomid last night and could barely sleep. It was annoying. It was weird though, they said on day 2 of a full period, but then, my period hasn't been full until this morning. But my doctor said to go ahead and do it yesterday. So, here I am.


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2 comments:

  1. AnonymousMarch 11, 2010 at 11:31 PM

    Hi... I found your blog from babycenter.com. I read through your entries and I share the same feeling with you. I haven't started any treatment yet. We had our first RE appt last week and was told to take clomid and do IUI like what you have been prescribed. I've been feeling very frustrated this week in that why do I have to take the drugs when I feel my body is perfectly fine and regular. I am 37 and the RE told me the same exact thing. I feel that part of our problem is male infertility and bad timing. Husband is all for the IUI but that's an easy decision for him... He will not be the one going through all the tests, drugs, procedures, etc. I'm glad I read thru your entries and know that there are others that share the same experience and feelings (frustrations, confusions, etc.). Continue posting as I would like to hear more and learn more about the experience of TTC.

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